Ruben Banks
Dating Advice for Men: On and OFFline
Dating Advice: The 60-second Deal Breaker
In: Dating Advice
3 Sep 2010We’ve already established that a man’s gotta be a man. But upon meeting a woman for that first date, don’t assume a false idea that your first face-to-face impression won’t matter, just because you’ve already gotten to know each other via phone or online.
She already has an idea of how you look, and what you might be like. You’ve created an expectation, and vice versa. Within 60 seconds of meeting her, if you don’t play your cards right, all that rapport you had built up online and by phone will have gone to waste. Imagine if you’ve been building up sexual tension with a woman, then you finally arrive at her doorstep for the first time… and she greets you with that day’s lunch stuck in her teeth… or dirty nails… or her toenail polish is all whittled and funky.
One word for her: Unkempt.
Two words for you: Grossed out.
Lucky for us, women are more conscientious about how they look, and more often than not, their first impression is that of a lasting one in our minds. But on the flip-side, you’ve got to be sure you don’t screw everything up in the first 60-seconds. Yes, it only takes 60 seconds to repulse a woman.
You don’t need to be armored in a 3-piece suit. If you’re a T-shirt and jeans kind of guy, she already knows that. So wear your best T-shirt and jeans. If it’s a beach date and you arrive in flip-flops, be sure your toenails are cut and clean. If you’ve decided to take her to a nice dinner, see to it that your button-up shirt isn’t wrinkled like it’s been neglected in the back of your drawer for a year.
It’s all common sense. Bad hygiene is usually the culprit of sour first impressions. If you can’t successfully get past this first 60 seconds in her mind, you better believe you won’t be getting that kiss goodnight — or anything further for that matter.
Like they say, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Look presentable. It’s not a “b*tch thing” to do. You have the rest of the evening to get to know eachother more – and hopefully the rest of the night and the next morning as well!
Other than looking like you have zero confidence, below are the 3 Dealbreakers that men often mistake as “smooth.”
1) Too much cologne
2) The “Favorite” (yet food-stained) shirt
3) There is no such thing as a “fashionably late” guy
Dating Advice: Help me with my One-itis
3 Aug 2010In my entire dating life, I have never felt so out of control and helpless as a year ago: I simply could not stop thinking about my ex, no matter what I tried. This painful lingering feeling is called “One-itis:” you are sold on the fact that this woman is your one true love, and you will never find another one like her…The typical gaming advice here is to go out and bang other hot women, distracting you from your true love. I personally have only found this to leave me feeling worse and more empty than before. I know you guys are thinking, “Ruben! Man up.” But all men will experience “one-itis” at one point in their lives. This is how I cured mine.
1. Time
Instead of telling yourself you fucked up, or that you will never meet another woman like your true love, tell yourself this proven fact: time heals all wounds. It is something my dad used to say. When my dad died, I couldn’t even talk about him without getting emotional. Three years later, I smile when talking about him and can enjoy it. The longer you can will yourself to go without talking to, online stalking or seeking out your true love, the easier it will be to move on.
2. Lack of Contact
Erase her number, adjust your Facebook settings so that you don’t receive updates about her and don’t email her. I once drowned a cellphone on purpose because I knew in my vodka-soaked state I would call her. Yeah, I had it bad. Either way, this will work to your advantage. If you don’t contact her then eventually one of two things will happen: She will miss you, wonder why you haven’t reached out and contact you. Alternatively, you will never hear from her again, in which case, she isn’t interested and you must move on.
3. See Other Quality Women
The emphasis here is on quality. There are millions of women in the world who are equally attractive, funny and interesting as your true love, but you are so hung up on her that you can’t see them for who they are. Read my project: YOU post, and dedicate your energy to YOURSELF. Once you feel better about yourself, you will attract all the wonderful women that you have been too distracted to notice.
4. DISCLAIMER:
If your true love has feelings for you, then stop playing games and make her yours. In my case, the feelings weren’t mutual, which is why I developed this system for curing my one-itis. But I would never discourage you from experiencing a loving relationship with the one woman you can’t get your mind off of! If you truly believe that she is the one, and she believes that you are the one, then what are you waiting for? Hang up your gaming suit and congratulate yourself that you don’t have to sweat in bars over women anymore.
Online Dating Tips: Your Headline
16 Jul 2010If you consider online dating essentially shopping for a date, then the headline is the product slogan. You have this online real estate to “sell yourself” so picking a clever headline is important. Every woman says she wants a man that makes her laugh so if you get her giggling right off the bat your chances just shot through the roof. I always use “My mom says I’m a catch, she’s always right.”
I like that one because not only am I being clever but tossing the mom in there makes you look like your close with your family, another thing women look for. Song lyrics can be good too as long as they’re not too cheesy. “I wanna hold your hand…” is a good example of playing that card. Another solid idea is to appeal to the “bad boy” side that we know women love with a headline like “…the guy your mother warned you about.”
Another good one I use is “Not Safe for work…” Now for some serious no-no’s…
Hi
“Now come on! Is that really the best you can do?!” …Is what’s going through a woman’s mind when she sees that headline. Even if you don’t want to be funny or make a show of things, “hi” is not going to work for you-neither is hello, whassup! or howdy.
Giving it a try
I figured why not
I’m going to lie when people ask how we met
All three = EPIC FAIL. Guys, women are already vulnerable about being on a dating site, they don’t want you to be that way, too. When a woman stumbles onto your page you want her to get excited and want to contact you because your energy and vibe speak to her. This headline says you are an unhappy guy who ran out of options in the real world and turned to online dating as a last resort.
Wookin por Nub
Only saw it once, but once is enough to tell you guys…NO.
Dating Advice: Approach Anxiety by Ruben
In: Dating Advice| Online Dating| Phone Game| confidence| sex advice| sex tips
13 Jul 2010
Guys, What is scarier in your mind: Jumping off a 20-story building or approaching this woman at a club?
I’m pretty sure you all agree that it doesn’t get scarier than approaching a gorgeous woman you noticed out somewhere. This is known as approach anxiety and is evident in 98% of all men. As a victim of those “cure your approach anxiety” scams I can tell you that it isn’t something you can get rid of like a zit. After years of going to clubs and bars, getting rejected more than a few times, I can tell you from my personal experience how to get on the fast track to taming it.
First off, going out with a group of guys helps. You guys can support and encourage each other to make moves on girls-cue the peer pressure. My friends and I have a game where one of us is “it” and buys the first round of drinks. This guy now has to have a 5 minute conversation with at least 10 women, and he drinks on us the rest of the night. I was “it” 6 weeks ago when we went to NYC and ended up talking to more women because of it, and getting several phone numbers.
My number one tip is to approach a girl who is at the bar, and simply say, “Are you going to buy me a drink?” with a smile on your face. She will immediately laugh and boom, you’re in. Don’t buy her a drink at this time though. Wait until you’ve talked for at least 20 minutes. If she gives you the cold shoulder then she is probably a b%^&$ who takes life too seriously-and trust me you don’t want those women in your life anyways.
No matter how hot the woman is, they all want the same thing, for a guy to make them laugh. Take the line I gave you, use it in the bar (works in any line where you’re going to purchase something) and remember to smile. From there, you want to keep things interesting by making statements about her and occasionally leaving the conversation right after you’ve made her laugh, only to find her again 5 minutes later. This will keep her on her toes, and wondering where you keep running off to.
The hardest part for me about approaching hot women is the first 10 seconds. After that you will either start talking to the girl or realize she is bitchy and move on.
Online Dating TIPS: The Almighty Poke Button
9 Jul 2010If you don’t have a Facebook yet, you’ve either been living under an abandoned RV or you need to get with it. Facebook is not a traditional online dating site, however, there are many many opportunities to turn it into one.
Once you’ve set up your profile in maximum attraction form and are ready to reach out to the multitude of hot women on Facebook, it’s time to get creative. Take 15-20 minutes on a lazy afternoon, go through your extensive and ever-growing friends list on Facebook, and “poke” 20 hot women, 20 “cute” women and 20 women you would hook up with after a few beers. Now you’ve poked 60 girls.
When a woman sees she has been “poked” on Facebook she will go straight to your profile and look at your photos. If he likes your photo she will read a little about you and glance at your wall to see what she could be getting into. A poke is basically like saying “Hi I think you’re cute” without all the beating around the bush and buying her any drinks.
If she pokes you back, she’s interested. Poke her back. Let this continue for a few days then when you catch her online chat her and say “What’s with the poking? 
” The wink face is crucial here because you’re overtly showing her that you are teasing her and flirting right off the bat. From here you want to pace her (wait a full minute before you respond to her chat) and after 4-5 minutes say you’re heading out but you will text her later-what’s your number?” Simple as that. Ask as though you expect her to give it to you.
Boom.
Dating Advice: Use Your Willpower and Score
In: Dating Advice| Online Dating| Phone Game| approaching| confidence| sex advice| sex tips| text game
5 Jul 2010Guys, I’ve had a lot of men writing for advice lately-one common theme I noticed: You’re making yourself too available and decreasing attraction. What do I mean?
We have all heard the expression people only want what they can’t have,” right? Well it’s the truth! When a girl responds to your texts or calls within twenty seconds, and is consistently free when you ask her out, she becomes unattractive-at least to me-no matter how hot she is. I start wondering if there is anything else in this girl’s life. Now, when a woman takes hours to respond to my texts, and doesn’t return my calls? I want her. I want her bad! It’s one of those tricks that you have to keep up your sleeve if you want women to chase YOU.
When you first get a woman’s number, text her right then and there. “Hey who is that hot guy standing next to you -Ruben” ALWAYS put your name-the chances of her saving the number increase, plus you made her laugh right off the bat. So now she has your number. Wait 2 days to call her, if you leave her a voicemail then start pacing her right then and there. My pacing rule: Take the amount of time it took her to respond to you and double it. Texts, phone calls, any of the above. Now the ball is in your court and she is wondering why you aren’t calling her back. Guys, this is exactly where we want them. The more she thinks about you and stares at her phone awaiting a response from you the more attracted to you she is becoming.
It only takes a few times of really being strong and having willpower to see that these results are true. Give it a try the next time a woman you want reaches out to you and watch your mystery build, and her attraction along with it.
If you’re like me, sometimes you get caught up worrying how attractive your profile is and you forget we need to judge these ladies too. When I take a woman out, I always go back to her profile and see if she painted an accurate picture. This process has allowed me to pick up on some serious red flags that pretty much spell disaster. Look for these in her profile before you message her!
1. She Only has ONE Photo…
This one has gotten me a few times. She’s got one bangin’ picture where it looks like she’s a swimsuit model, then all of a sudden Gollum’s waiting with a cocktail and you want to run. Ask her for more pictures, and tell her you will send some too if she wants-it’s only fair.
2. She Rambles about her “Spirituality”
You know what I mean, right? She isn’t religious, but considers herself “spiritual” and as a result sounds preachy and annoying. If her profile reads pretentious and opinionated, imagine her in person…or don’t and click next!
3. Her Profile Reads like a Bottle of Asprin
“Read Carefully!” “Don’t message me if ______,” “I’m not into ________” “I hate______” Jesus Christ! You haven’t even messaged this chick and already you have to jump through a million hoops. A lot of guys see this as a challenge and message away-my advice? Avoid. If she is that high maintenance on paper, wait until she orders dinner.
4. She’s got Photos with Kids
Guys, I say this all the time-if you don’t want to date a chick with kids then put it out there. You don’t have to be a dick, just let women know right there on your profile by saying “don’t want children.” Women that have photos of kids that are not theirs are itching for your sperm-I even had a woman bring up having kids on the first date!
Dating Advice: Create Sexual Tension
In: Dating Advice| Online Dating| Phone Game| approaching| confidence| sex advice| sex tips
28 Jun 2010When it comes to getting laid (without paying for it!), no man has been successful without the use of sexual tension. You may not have realized how important it was at the time, but it was there alright. In this post I explain what sexual tension is, and how to achieve it with the hot girl you want to see naked.
WHAT IS SEXUAL TENSION?
Something we have felt many times. It is a connection between two people when they are sexually attracted to each other, but have not acted on their feelings…yet. Sexual tension keeps things between you and a woman interesting and full of mystery. There is also a lovely anticipation factor: a butterfly-filled excitement that remains until the two of you act on your mutual sexual feelings for one another.
HOW DO I USE IT TO MY FULL ADVANTAGE?
By prolonging hooking up as long as possible-preferably until she can no longer stand it! I know this is tough, but trust me it’s worth it. This puts you in the driver’s seat AND keeps things interesting between you for longer. Remember the classic ’80’s TV show, “Moonlighting?” The minute the 2 main characters had sex no one watched it anymore and it was canceled soon after that. Sexual tension keeps things interesting and keeps you safely locked in as the man of mystery in her eyes. All the other guys will give in to the sexual tension right away, and she will end up hating herself for being intimate too soon. You on the other hand, are going to wait…
HOW DO I MAKE IT HAPPEN?
You’ve decided you want to be the guy who doesn’t give it up, makes her wait, and has her chase YOU eventually. Yes, this is what will happen if you follow my advice. Here are the best ways to create sexual tension:
1. Eye Contact
Confidence is born when you aren’t afraid to look a woman in the eye. This holds true especially if you are caught staring at said woman. Hold your gaze and smile. If she smiles back, you’re in. When she’s talking, listen intently and stare at her lips. Occasionally you can smile and when she asks what you are smiling at, wait a moment, then say, “Nothing,” while still smiling.
2. Set yourself up as a warm & “touchy” person
This is not nearly as daunting as it sounds. When you meet a woman you want to create sexual tension with, make a point to lean in and hear people around you, put a hand on their arm when they say something funny and use the 2-handed handshake when you meet someone. Once the woman you like sees that you are a warm, touchy person then she will start wondering if you really like her or if you are simply affectionate with everyone. This is exactly where you want to be, because from that point on she will test you to see if she is in fact, special.
3. Tease Her Playfully
Look for opportunities to bust her chops in a PLAYFUL way. The best way to achieve this classic cocky/funny with a woman and build sexual tension is to have a smile on your face when you tease her. It could be about anything. If she’s wearing fingerless gloves (girl I went out with the other night was) say, “Hey Kelly Kopowski called, she wants her fashion back!” If you’re playing pool with her tell her she plays like a drunk baby. Look for any opportunity to tease her and go for it: if she trips: “Hey didn’t you ever learn to walk?” If she spills something, “This is why we can never have nice things!” – That one is particularly good because it brings in role playing-you have set up a game where you two live together. The list goes on. Be aware of these chances to bust on her and seize them. Remember to smile and touch her arm, back of her neck or lower back if it feels natural too.
WHEN IT WORKS RIGHT
When you have perfected the art of sexual tension, she will eventually bring it up. She might say something like, “Are you like this with a lot of girls?” or “”Do you touch everyone like that?” She is testing you to see if she is special or different from the other women in your life. The best response is to act dumb: “What do you mean? Like what?” and let her lead the conversation. 
Dating Advice: She’s Flirting BUT She’s in a Relationship?
In: Dating Advice| Online Dating| Phone Game| approaching| confidence| sex advice| sex tips| text game
25 Jun 2010Many men write in asking about this one. You want to date/fuck a woman who is in a relationship already-and she’s giving you the signs that she is interested…but in your mind she’s off limits right? Wrong.
It doesn’t matter if the one you want is in a relationship! If they are throwing it down, feel free to pick it up. I’ll give you an example of why this is a good idea. A few months ago I went to New York and was planning on visiting an old fling while I was there. I knew she was in a relationship-but I still wanted to see her. We go out and immediately the chemistry picks up where it left off. I made the decision to treat her as though she were single and she ate right out of my hand. Why? Because man, if a girl is into you, giving you the signs that she could be yours (if only for the night) then give her what she wants. Usually she’s in an unhappy relationship and her boyfriend/husband doesn’t make her feel attractive, so she goes out and flirts around to get that attention. Guess what? Someone is going to give it to her, it may as well be YOU.
Moral of the story: Treat every woman as though she were single until told otherwise.
Online Dating TIPS: The Perfect Profile
22 Jun 2010There are about a million articles out there on how to write the PERFECT online dating profile, so I’m going to keep it exptremely simple and extremely helpful.
1. Know your Audience
If you’re on Match.com expect women who have actually shelled out $30 to find a boyfriend. They want someone who appears fun, funny and attractive just like everyone else. Plenty of Fish or really any free dating site the women will be not as invested and may be more likely to hook up and go with it as opposed to E-harmony or Match.com. This is just a point of reference for you; I believe that no matter what dating site you’re on, the same profile rules apply.
2. Create Your Profile When You Only have 20 Minutes to Devote to it.
This will allow you to breeze through the BS and only fill out the need-to-know information. You don’t have to waste all day filling out a bunch of information about your favorite color when in reality, no one reads that far anyways. Keep it short and sweet. Post photos and basic information, including a description of yourself that reads something like this:
I’m from Louisiana but have been living throughout California since 1996. I’m a blue-collar guys stuck in a white-collar job, but I have a pick-up truck and big dog to keep me grounded. I value experiences over tangible things. On my best days I find life hilarious and full of wonder. On my worst days I self-medicate with Comedy Central. I love the outdoors, and travel whenever I find the time. Most of my friends say I’m the funniest guy they know-but I’ll let you decide. Women I am drawn to: honest, smart, sense of humor, self-aware, prone to random fits of silliness, employed, independent minded, and yes, hot doesn’t hurt 
2. Photos
Smiling? Check. Outdoorsy/Adventure photo? Check. Fun photo where you’re looking away? Check.
3. Extra Points:
In the “what you do for fun” or “favorite activities” section, make a list of bullet-points that share your favorite things from the bands you like to the quirky eating habits you have. Women see this as you opening up and it works.
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- Dating Advice: The 60-second Deal Breaker
- Dating Advice: Help me with my One-itis
- Online Dating Tips: Your Headline
- Dating Advice: Approach Anxiety by Ruben
- Online Dating TIPS: The Almighty Poke Button
- Dating Advice: Use Your Willpower and Score
- Online Dating Tips: 4 Red Flags in her Profile
- Dating Advice: Create Sexual Tension
- Dating Advice: She’s Flirting BUT She’s in a Relationship?
- Online Dating TIPS: The Perfect Profile
